Purpose of Repentance
Oh, most Holy, ABBA Father, I come to you and ask for your forgiveness for rebellion and laziness. I ask that you continue to draw me near to you; all along convicting me when I am not obedient, when I choose not to listen and act. Thank you for your mercy, for your goodness, for your faithfulness. I am in awe, amazed, that you still love me, LORD. Thank you, LORD. You alone are worthy of all the honor, all the glory, all the praise.
Okay, so I don't know about you, but I can't believe that summer is over. I mean, seriously, where did it all go?? I remember my last post clearly and I am hugely horrified that it has been so long. We were driving to my daughters Kindergarten Graduation and I couldn't get the words out fast enough (the post). I love those moments- when God is just pouring out of me - it is a physical burning that is so powerful and I feel in those moments He is so real, so Almighty. HE IS.
So, my prayer a few lines back, while really rather personal and private, is so real and to Him. I knew when I began this blog journey that I would always be real, always just an open book. See, in my realness, you may see yourself and know that there is someone else out there striving for Him, all the while stumbling along! I am still just a work in progress and will forever be!
I have been laying in bed this morning trying to trace the summer and where it went and what happened to me along the way. I remember being engrossed in this incredible study and HE was speaking volumes to me. Lots of conviction! Lots of healing and a-ha moments, too. But, one day I came across a page, some content that I did not want to face. And, I just stopped. Haven't been back in that book since. Satan has used it to keep me down. He has lied to me all along. Always does, though, right?!
I spent a lot of time this summer doing a prayer therapy that brought about so much healing and realization into my life, my years and my choices. Along the way, God really showed me my rebellion and how great it has always been. My desire to be in control of things and when I am not, then I rebel against them and that person or entity.
"Their deeds do not permit them to return to their God. A spirit of prostitution is in their heart; they do not acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 5:4
I have continually sold myself out to things of this world, people of this world, seeking to be filled by them instead of turning to God and His love. As God began to show me that I believed I was not worthy of His love, of His healing, I got really mad. I analytically know that God loves me, but I don't believe that He will love me!!! How awful is that.. Prideful, probably, too! I didn't quite know how to deal with it all. I did not feel worthy to return to the Lord with all of my deeds. So, I just kind of shut down. I allowed Satan to tell me that it was okay to wallow in it and be sad and mad about it. I allowed my job to consume me and keep me busy.
I went overseas for 2 weeks this summer, which I will share all about at some point. During this time is when God brought me to the book of Hosea and I saw so much of myself in (the story of) Israel. He was very faithful in bringing things of the past to light during my trip. Isn' t it incredible --the myriad of ways that HE is faithful?! Through that, I began to yearn again for His wisdom to reign down on me. I began to crave His love and ALL that HE offers us in this life. I am nothing without out. Miserable and unhappy and unworthy without it.
Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them. Hosea 14:9
I want wisdom! I do not want to stumble....but, I will. The key is not to wallow in it. That, in itself, is where the sin lies. Not bringing it to Him and seeking forgiveness, picking up and getting on with being purposeful for Him. This is my desire, my hearts cry. To be pure in Him, in thought and deed.
Oh, LORD, precious and true, I pray wisdom for all who read this and desire it for their own lives, Father. Reign down on us with your love and mercy and grace when we fail you! Give us discernment in those areas that we are weak, LORD. Be faithful to us in your conviction of our deeds when we are not honoring or seeking you. Thank you for your love and all that you are and all that we are promised in Heaven. AMEN.
Okay, so I don't know about you, but I can't believe that summer is over. I mean, seriously, where did it all go?? I remember my last post clearly and I am hugely horrified that it has been so long. We were driving to my daughters Kindergarten Graduation and I couldn't get the words out fast enough (the post). I love those moments- when God is just pouring out of me - it is a physical burning that is so powerful and I feel in those moments He is so real, so Almighty. HE IS.
So, my prayer a few lines back, while really rather personal and private, is so real and to Him. I knew when I began this blog journey that I would always be real, always just an open book. See, in my realness, you may see yourself and know that there is someone else out there striving for Him, all the while stumbling along! I am still just a work in progress and will forever be!
I have been laying in bed this morning trying to trace the summer and where it went and what happened to me along the way. I remember being engrossed in this incredible study and HE was speaking volumes to me. Lots of conviction! Lots of healing and a-ha moments, too. But, one day I came across a page, some content that I did not want to face. And, I just stopped. Haven't been back in that book since. Satan has used it to keep me down. He has lied to me all along. Always does, though, right?!
I spent a lot of time this summer doing a prayer therapy that brought about so much healing and realization into my life, my years and my choices. Along the way, God really showed me my rebellion and how great it has always been. My desire to be in control of things and when I am not, then I rebel against them and that person or entity.
"Their deeds do not permit them to return to their God. A spirit of prostitution is in their heart; they do not acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 5:4
I have continually sold myself out to things of this world, people of this world, seeking to be filled by them instead of turning to God and His love. As God began to show me that I believed I was not worthy of His love, of His healing, I got really mad. I analytically know that God loves me, but I don't believe that He will love me!!! How awful is that.. Prideful, probably, too! I didn't quite know how to deal with it all. I did not feel worthy to return to the Lord with all of my deeds. So, I just kind of shut down. I allowed Satan to tell me that it was okay to wallow in it and be sad and mad about it. I allowed my job to consume me and keep me busy.
I went overseas for 2 weeks this summer, which I will share all about at some point. During this time is when God brought me to the book of Hosea and I saw so much of myself in (the story of) Israel. He was very faithful in bringing things of the past to light during my trip. Isn' t it incredible --the myriad of ways that HE is faithful?! Through that, I began to yearn again for His wisdom to reign down on me. I began to crave His love and ALL that HE offers us in this life. I am nothing without out. Miserable and unhappy and unworthy without it.
Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them. Hosea 14:9
I want wisdom! I do not want to stumble....but, I will. The key is not to wallow in it. That, in itself, is where the sin lies. Not bringing it to Him and seeking forgiveness, picking up and getting on with being purposeful for Him. This is my desire, my hearts cry. To be pure in Him, in thought and deed.
Oh, LORD, precious and true, I pray wisdom for all who read this and desire it for their own lives, Father. Reign down on us with your love and mercy and grace when we fail you! Give us discernment in those areas that we are weak, LORD. Be faithful to us in your conviction of our deeds when we are not honoring or seeking you. Thank you for your love and all that you are and all that we are promised in Heaven. AMEN.
Comments
I just to share a scripture with you...
Psalms 1
1 Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.
Notice how in this scripture that you starts walking and slowly goes to sitting.
We have to constantly be surrounding ourselves with Godly counsel and friends. It is so crutial that those that speak into our lives are a good positive voice.
The scripture goes on to say that we are blessed when meditating upon scripture day and night. For me anytime that a thought or feelings come upon me I go to the word. If I can't find it in the word that, that feeling is justified I immediatley pray. Then go find Godly counsel to talk it through.
Everyone has feelings of not good enough. It is just what we do in those moments that determine our future.
The bible says to take every thought captive. I think this is so true. With our thoughts we are either growing our roots deeper with God or pushing ourselves away.
I know that is way long comment. I just wanted to share that with you. I love you girl! Hey come to Chik Nite this Friday! I think that you will love it!
So glad to see that you are back!